The Guide

At 1 am in the night, all I have in my eyes are tear drops which I cannot allow to come out. The melancholy, the pain in the moment is consuming me, but I cannot give in to it. My throat swells but I feel a a sense of happiness, a strange feeling of contentedness.
As I watch myself go through all these feelings I rewind time to when I opened the folder named "The Guide" and opened the file named "Part-1" in the media player.
I knew the story. But as I watched it, as I got involved in it, as I went through every dialogue every scene of it, the flow took me by hand and led me away. The feeling of love is shown so beautifully in the movie, it moves you.
Love..
Love, is such a strong feeling, it overpowers anything and everything in the world. A profound, unconditional, complete love for something gives you immense, immense strength.
That is why true love is the matter of folklore.
As I write this, I think to myself, "true love".......Hmm....I turn inwards..
I put myself the question.. Do you love anything so truely, so purely as you imagine to be love in its definitive, core form?
A question worth pondering, surely...........
I answer............ and I answer to myself............
Where there is pure trust, where there is complete faith, where there are no bindings no rules, where there is total freedom, where there is nothing but a connection which is assumed an irreplaceable part of your body, an inseperable part of your existence on this earth, of your consciousness, there lies the answer to your question. ....

someone inside me says... "you won't find it my friend.. nobody does.... it is non-existent"
I say..."It is not just people i am talking about, brother.."

An evening through my office....

I came to office late, at about 4:30 PM. I had watched the second final between India and Australia all day at home(skipping office). I felt immense joy and satisfaction that OUR BOYS had done the job and done it well. We had won. My time, it seemed(and everybody would agree!), was very well spent.
I had come to office with the intention of staying back in office, sleeping in the dorm. My colleagues, although jealous of my royal routine have a big heart and accept me as I am.. and I really like them for that. !!
As evening shadows grew longer, a cool breeze started off in the campus. The moment we came out to have snacks I felt myself loose consciousness in the moist smell of the air. There were raindrops somewhere...Ahh.. the fragrance mother earth spreads with her joy of meeting her departed little drops...
The beautiful green trees all around with the blue, yellow, violet, pink flower bushes at their feet and the lush green lawn to the left and right of every step along the curvy path, along with this mesmerising breeze was too much for me to hold in conscious attention.
My friends were talking to me. I listened to them, but my mind was filled with the whole world around me.
They guided me to the snack counter and I ate 2 Veg. Puffs.
We came back to our desks, with tummy's satisfied and minds rejuvenated, elated, dazed.
I was left walking alone, in unchanged external conditions, towards the farther food court after all had left for their homes. The sun had gone down and the ambient lighting was on.
As I went by the Amphitheater I could see people sitting together in groups, in couples, singing, laughing and...., it seemed to me, having no connection to the world whatsoever except that of their mutual presence, the moment and the joy shared in those beautiful surroundings.
I passed by the Cricket ground, grass cut to the perfect level, sprinkled with groups of people, employees of course, of different ethnicities, different languages, different attitudes, chatting, making fun, pulling legs, laughing aloud, smiling quietly, discussing, contemplating, looking into each other's eyes, oblivious to a particular observing guy walking past them, who seemed as if enjoying some experience, moving in a dazed way as if drunk, as if in a state of bliss.
As I saw the faces, as I went up to my dinner plate, as I looked into it, I could not but think,
"What else does a man want in his life".
Every spoon of my dinner gave me joy, and it was not on account of the taste of the food. It was the thought, the feeling, that I had at that moment, the thing that every man in this world desires, searches for through God knows how many ways and through how many means, which he finds at the zenith of his achievements, at the conquest of his goal.
I knew I desired nothing else in the world in that moment...... and I knew I was right.

Time.....

There are times when you feel that the only thing you want to kill is time and there are definitely others when the only thing that you seem to require is time.
Why?
According to the theory of relativity, if I am running faster time runs slower for me and if I am running slower time runs faster for me. This is so, since the speed of time can be taken as a universal constant.
I would like to proceed by demonstrating the point with examples and then end with my conclusion.
If you go to the coffee shop with your father, mother and grandparents you are bound to feel time running very slowly. This might seem a contradiction, but no.
Your speed as compared to your elders is definitely faster and the amount of knowledge about the proceedings at the café that you process is definitely more than them and so you are at a higher pace than your interacting surroundings, i.e. your parents.
In the same background if you accompany your girlfriend, with whom you are head over heels in love, then you are bound to feel time running away faster than expected.
This is not only due to the fact that you are involved in something very passionately but there is also a deeper reason behind. When you are the one more in love and you think the girl has more options than you and can also change her boyfriend, then you try to outthink her, which I must inform is not so easy when confronted by a pro.
Your mind will run slower than you require it to. You will want her to think slower than you but her pace will remain constant, in turn making you feel the need to speed up things in your top floor. This is when you encounter the second case.
There are unlimited such cases through which I can illustate this hypothesis.
For the moment though.... take care..

Experiences...

I put the key into the lock of my room in the only 5-star hotel in the new city.
I smelt something fishy in the silence of the corridor. I was about to enter when I heard a knock on the neighbouring door. I turned to see, when the door on my other side burst open and a man wearing a fish costume jumped out in front of me and started reciting verses from the Bhagvat Gita. I took out my friend’s lighter from the left pocket of my shirt and tried to dry the fish man to death.
He spread his hands and with a shudder clenched his fists, the action spreading his small fins and making a noise like a pig.
In fright and in splits of laughter I took out my Sword of Tipu Sultan knife and was about to tear to shreds the orange in my right hand when the porter asked in a loud enough voice if I would need his services to unload any of my luggage at the present station.
I spit fire through my eyes and asked him to meet me at the next station for that.
He spit the same fire and mouthed a beautiful adjective for me.
I took some air out of the Air-Pillow under my legs and put my rotten smelling apple out of the window of the berth below me.
I felt comfy enough now.
I took out the Parker Pen out of the right pocket of my pant and wrote the words ”Open Sesame” on the rock door of the cave. There was a huge sound and the cave door fell down on the lion which was just about to pounce on the cubs of a lioness that he was thinking of dating.
The event exposed to me the naked expanse of the gigantic inner auditorium. I observed, awestruck, the series of chairs and the huge stage in front. I started searching for the chair with my name or my examination ID number. I remembered innumerable such tests which I had crossed, half prepared, half confident, tensed, relaxed, enjoying the experience, simultaneously dreading the immediate future.
There it was, written on the rosewood table in front of one of so many bamboo chairs… my name in yellow. I closed my eyes.
The wincing pain in my hand brought my attention to the honey-bee sized mosquito reveling in my blood. I snatched my newspaper from the hands of a co-passenger and swat the pest to death. The pleasure I derived from the act is inexplicable. Being an avid follower of Gandhiji’s principles, this act of revenge bringing me pleasure seemed a contradiction in my character. Neglecting such spiritual thoughts I glanced out of the window… trees were running back from my destination. As much as I liked a particular tree, it would run away from the scene all the more faster. One particular tree caught my attention so much it deserved to be recorded for future references. I filled my eyes with its beautiful flower filled picture and closed them.

Strange story my life this Part-2

"Where were you going? You seemed in a hurry. You jumped in front of my bike and the brake failed. It wouldn't have happened if the brake hadn't given away. I had the bike serviced just a few days ago. These mechanics.... huh ."
"Can you give a 100 rupees?"
"Err.. . yeah...... why?"
Stare1 ("What the....?"Straight into the eyes).
Stare2 ("Don't you know?").
Stare3 ("Give them to me now, and thats an order.").

I gave her a 100 Rs note. With a passing victory glance, she got into an auto and disappeared into the city.
I stood for a few seconds cursing myself for having lost a mindbattle to a girl again.
Again? Yes again. Many had already taken advantage of this guy's soft nature.

I reached office late. Messed up big time in my appraisal discussion(I called the boss a lazy guy who put all responsibility on me. He had discussed that taking more responsibility would help me go up. Ha ha, as if I agree.. ). Postponed my birthday party for the umpteenth time(They said they don't want it anymore!Cool then....!!) Did no work all day and stared at my office crush for just long enough for her to realise this and give me a "You're dead!" look(another moral loss!).
I lost all the games to Sagar in Urban Assault(was killed everytime), and failed to greet any of the senior guys on the floor.
Went home late, after being caught up in heavy traffic which had come to a STOP due to some jerks fighting it out at the center of the road after having already hit each other with their cars.
Found out Mom and Dad had gone out for a dinner plus second show outing and told the watchman to tell me to eat out.(I forgot my mobile at office)
Well........ that was when and how I decided never to get up early again. No sir. Never.

Strange story, my life this.

On one busy day in November, I was going to my office. Mid-way, finding out there was a huge traffic jam ahead, I steered into a narrow by lane, a characteristic of Hyderabad loved by twp wheelers and equally hated the car wallahs.
That morning was actually not very normal. I had woken up early & thought I would start up my dream routine from that day, a routine which included an hour of exercise, 15 minutes of meditation, 5 minutes of pooja, an hour at the guitar classes, half an hour of useful reading and a delicious breakfast at home and of course some spare time for unexpected things like a special edition in the news paper etc.

I woke up around 5:00 am & had managed tto do all the planned things by 8:30.

Leaving for office on Dad’s activa( Dad took a day off that day) I had one of my favourite songs on my lips. Singing all the way to office I as habit of mine I really enjoy.
So when I took the by lane I was very happy.
My routine had gone as planned & I was singing well that day.

A door opened from the left side & a girl ran out in front of my activa.
I had been serviced just a week ago but the brakes weren’t strong enough to tolerate my 90 kgs along with its 150 kgs. The obvious happened.
I braked hard enough to break the brake wire and crashed into the female. Without the delay of even a second, she rained abuses of the most premium quality on me.
My initial reaction was one of concern for her injuries (which weren’t there), which turned into a surprise, then shock, then anger.
Interrupting her I said, “I don’t know Telugu”, which stopped the deluge of filthy local language from…. the most beautifully carved lips I had ever seen.
My focus now shifted to the structure of the person standing before me.
5-6, 5-7 height, dark hair, hazel eyes, perfectly carved eyebrows, round cheeks and a little chubby, cute look to the face. Her body: right out of a beauty pageant.
The dress though left a lot to be desired. A dull grey suit (salwaar-kameez) with a black chunni and bathroom slippers for footwear wasn’t exactly the dress combination to do her justice.
“What the hell do you think you are, Michael Schumacher?” Her voice reverberated in my ears, the pitch, almost piercing my left eardrum.
I parked the activa near the electric pole and gave the I-know-there’s-nothing-serious-here-but-you-just-want-to-create-a–scene smile.
People gathered around as her voice crossed closed doors and windows.
Housewives looking for some morning masala joined the abuse fest.
My initial reaction which was no more than a faint feeling of concern for her and my office timings, started to shape up into something I hadn’t predicted, expected or the least, was prepared for.
Before they could have their fill off me, and stone me to death blaming me for the rape of the innocent girl abusing me (a crowd in India is the most potent, volatile and mindless weapon the world knows) I picked up my phone and started talking to Mr. Vijay Reddy, Superintendent of Police.
That was the best name I could make up. It had to have Reddy because the Chief Minister of State was Rajashekhar Reddy, I could at least feign some allegiance.
A loss of interest spread over the passers by and the joiners. The crowd started clearing as fast as it had gathered. I love India.
My call ended as abruptly as it had started and I was about to start off when the girl walked up to me and asked for compensation for her injuries.
Her voice had mellowed down, her face calmer and wiser. A distinctly strange feeling encompassed her face, a mix of anger, helplessness, guilt, pity, relief.
I started to feel this wasn’t actually an accident, and the veins in my stomach started tingling. That same feeling when you go to an exam half-prepared, praying to God, the other half doesn’t feature in the test.

I read her face expressions. They gave me a hint which I couldn’t decode. After all the commotion and drama she wanted more!
I gave her a stern, wry look. It seemed to work. Two gentle droplets of water flew down her round cheeks.
Of all the things in the world, I have never been able to show indifference to one thing, the tears of a woman, right from Kindergarten to Graduation and now, beyond. My heart melted.
The words came instantly from me, “I am very sorry. Are you hurt?” The weakness in my voice washing away any strength I had feigned, in front of a woman as beautiful as her.
She saw my face, and instantly realized she could press for her demands. I in the meantime sensed this woman sensing this and yet could do nothing but show my vulnerable self to her.

Done so much, yet remains so much.

29th of November 2006, today I blog my first post(or is it I post my first blog? I shall let it remain like this though.).
For historical reasons as well as personal, yesterday was a landmark.
Sanjay Dutt got aquitted from the terrorist case but got convicted in the Arms case.
And I got my WagonR registered. It was a good experience. Was exposed to highly honest(to corruption) police officers. Once you pay them, they make sure your work is done. No exceptions.
Got a number AP 11 AA 353. Pretty symmetric eh?
Got a little wiser.

First blog.
Done.
Now?
Anticipate.